Crozon Peninsula. Brittany. July 2022. Family holidays on the sea side. Nice weather, rest on the beach, gatherings with friends and hikes here and there (obviously!).
As usual, Mayol and Jeanne, respectively 15 and 13 are leading the way and we are hardly following, not even trying to match their pace. From time to time, they are waiting for us. When they are thirsty, when we are at crossroads or when they have a question.
“Mum, I’d like to sell my Star Wars Lego Collection, and you know, it will take me a while to take pictures, to disassemble everything, to post on the appropriate sites. So I would appreciate Jeanne helps me with all this and I will offer her a % on the sales. How much should I offer? What is the rule?”
Typical hiking conversation. My kids barely look at the scenery in case you wonder.
“Well, the only rule is the one you create together to make you both happy”.
Off they went. And they stopped few minutes later.
“Mum, we agreed that 17,5% is the number that makes us both happy.”
“Great. Are you both clear about the service behind the 17,5%? Is there any room left for expectations? And if any, how do you ensure you turn those expectations into agreements?”. And we explored. And they made a deal.
“Do you understand your word is sacred and the consequences of breaking the agreement?”. I fully trust they both will be true to their word.
Most of us are living in a world driven by expectations.
– You expect your project manager to send you his draft presentation one week before the big meeting and 3 days prior you still did not get it.
– You expect your partner to read your mind and help you carry the heavy carton boxes.
– You expect your clients to show up on time for meetings.
I let you put your own examples in the pot. I am sure you have many.
And then what happens?
Your expectations are not met. And this is where the mess starts. Call it disappointment, frustration, anger, betrayal.
Or your expectations are met. And then nothing happens. You feel nothing. After all, this is what you expected, why should you start dancing on the table?
How about shifting perspective and create agreements?
– “John, this meeting with the investors is really important and I need quality time for input. Could you send me your draft one-week before?”.
– “Arnaud, I need help today to carry those heavy carton boxes. What is the best time for you to give me a hand?”.
– “Claire, we have a call scheduled next week. Your time and mine are very precious. Therefore, I will connect 3 minutes before, and in case of last minute emergency, I will let you know. Can we agree you do the same?”
And you start the discussion from there.
From Expectations to Agreements. From potential disappointment to co-creation.
Stop expecting. Start agreeing.
And, in case you are interested in buying Lego Star Wars, feel free to PM me:-)
Love,
Delphine