One of the best pieces of advice a coach ever gave me. And probably the hardest one to actually put into practice.
You are self-employed. You make a proposal to a potential client. The conversation goes deep, you feel good about your coaching. So you start fantasizing: he will say “Yes”, here’s how we will work together, how special those sessions will be. Until he comes back : “Sorry Delphine, I have decided not to work with you”. And your whole world collapses. You have to rebuild energy, motivation and confidence just to keep going. It is hard.
It took me years to actually embrace “Committed. Not attached.”
Yesterday I had a call with a potential client. I showed up as committed as if she were already a client. But I’m no longer attached to the outcome. The YES/NO decision is not mine. So now, until the money hits my account, I treat is as a NO, and keep moving toward the next project that excites me. Sometimes it takes months before I sign a client. Sometimes I sign 3 in a row. I have made peace with both.
I gave “Committed. Not attached.” as advice to a friend who is searching for a job. She had already been through the disappointment of applying to a dream role, daydreaming about it for weeks, and getting a no. Harsh landing. Some of you know the feeling.
Here’s what she wrote back after our conversation:
“‘Committed, not attached’ is my new mantra. I just applied to a great role, so very committed AND very attached. Detaching is genuinely hard. I really had to push myself and think of my mantra. I have a tendency to project myself 300% the moment I hit ‘Send’ (how I’ll get there, how I’ll organize with the family, all of it). And on the flip side, I realized that for roles I like less, I don’t bring the same level of commitment at all. So now I’m working on raising the bar and produce the same quality of application every time. Honestly, it’s a real bias in my job search: too attached to some offers, not committed enough on others. I am going to rebalance all of that!”
She’s on the path.
Your turn: where in your life do you need “Committed. Not attached”?
Ready to try it?
Be brave.
Delphine
#Thecourageofbeing