Did it ever happen to you?
- I stay quiet in meetings or I keep nodding. In fact I keep telling people what they want to hear and doing what they want me to do. I desperately want to be liked.
- I applied to 5 jobs and did not get any positive reply. I will give up and rather stay where I am. In fact, if I am rejected, I’m not likely to try again.
- I want to write a novel. My boy-friend is wondering whether this is the right priority “you see with your full-time job, and the baby coming”. In fact, when someone discourages me from doing something, I don’t do it.
- My colleague told me I am lacking “team spirit”. Other praise my work but I am ruminating this story over and over. In fact, I believe the criticism I hear about myself, regardless of the source.
- I want to learn sailing, but I am 50 already and I am afraid people might make fun of me. In fact, there are many things I don’t try because I fear people might make fun of me.
“Do this, not that”, “be a good child” (gentle pat on the head), “don’t embarrass your parents”. The vast majority of us is taught from a very young age to behave as “people pleasers”. And we practice this attitude our entire life, in family circle, at school, in our peer groups, with friends, at work. More pats on the head.
To a point
- we are having hard times telling people the truth (“Oh thank you for your gift, that’s so sweet!’ for “I would prefer the same in pink, is it possible to change?” … and you never wear the yellow cap)
- we keep seeking other people’s approval (even from those we don’t particularly care for!), as we were not taught to grant ourselves our own “A” grade.
Watchout SPOILER! YOUR LIFE IS NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST.
Even with the best possible intentions, whatever you create, whatever service you provide, whatever piece of work you produce, whatever you share out in this world, not everyone will appreciate it.
This does not mean you are bad at what you do. And, most importantly, it does not mean you are a bad person. Focusing on facts, it means someone is not a fan. Too bad if this is your boss, your partner, your mum.
It also means you dare to speak your truth and show up as you really are. This requires courage, vulnerability and authenticity.
Personally,
- I do not want to love 7 billion people. A handful is enough.
- I do not want to be loved by 7 billion people. A handful is enough.
- I do not want to serve 7 billion people. A handful is enough.
- I do not want to inspire 7 billion people. A handful is enough.
- I do not want to be inspired by 7 billion people. A handful is enough.
I am not for everyone. And neither are you. Stop pleasing, and start being your true self in all you do. The critical few who matter and get you deeply will be with you.
“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway”.
Eleanor Roosevelt.
…. and give yourself a pat on the head.
Tell me, how does this land for you?
Love,
Delphine